Thoughts while driving

• Me; Excuse me I am going 10 miles over the speed limit WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
• Me: Oh shit dead animal don't hit it don't it don't hit it don't hit it
• Me: Is that a cop?
• Me: Thank god no cop
• Me: Ok fuck THAT is a cop
• Me: You're like 150 years old why hasn't anybody taken away your license
• Me: You are literally 6 inches from my bumper STOP TRYING TO BUTT FUCK ME WITH YOUR CAR
• Me: Oh you drive a bmw i guess that means you own the road cool
• Me: I wonder if i can read this text and still- NOPE CAN'T DO THAT NOPE NOPE NOPE
• Me: Sorry i almost hit you lady, my bad
• Me: Oh cool there's no one on the right i can merge KIDDING JUST KIDDING
• Me: Let's just pretend the speed limit on this residential road is 60, okay? Okay.
• Me: Lol how the fuck did i get my license